Living With Chronic Fatigue

I never really understood the concept of ‘listening to my body’. So I kept pushing through the fatigue until I could push no more. Until my body just gave up so that I had no choice but to give in and listen.

There is no magic cure for Chronic Fatigue. Your doctor can only give you advice. It is a long journey to feeling normal again. Feeling well. Feeling sorta like your old self that you vaguely remember. They say it can take three to five years to recover. For me, it took all of the five years to heal. Of listening to my body. Of napping. Of taking my diet seriously. Of removing all stress from my life.

I did the Vitamin B shots for every week for three weeks but knew I could not keep that up. Firstly because I hate needles and second it was expensive. But they are magic. They are miracle shots. They can get you through anything. You almost forget how bad it is until they wear off. Vitamin B tablets are on option as well, if you are okay with taking tablets. They are massively big though. But can help to get you through the day.

I saw a naturopath too who gave me a tonic to drink daily. It was to calm and to energise. And it did work.

I had to change my diet. That’s about one of the only things you can do to ease chronic fatigue. I was constantly searching for foods for energy. Peanut butter, dates, tuna, licorice. Eating more protein was key and no simple sugars…and to take a multivitamin each day. Good food does make a huge difference. You can try kale or quinoa. Have a good breakfast, an egg or omelette or peanut butter on toast. You can get almond butter as well which is good for energy. I ate lots of nuts each day and tried for tuna every second day. I found that when my depression was bad I didn’t want to eat which made my chronic fatigue worse so I really have to force myself to eat most days as it’s a vicious circle. I still struggled with migraines, but the key is to drink lots of water.

I lost hair. I lost weight. I lost my identity. I lost my purpose in life. I lost friends. I lost my memory. I was depressed. Life was difficult. You just have to trust that things will get better. That one day you may return to your old self.

Each night I would take a scoop of ‘black seed’ which I bought from Morocco with a glass of milk. The scientific name is Nigella Sativa. It helped calmed my nerves, as I found if I was stressed or anxious about anything, it would kill my body. I couldn’t move for days. With chronic fatigue, mental exhaustion affects you just as bad as physical exercise. So, you need to do your best to get rid of all stress in your life. I wrote a list of things stressing me and either tried to get eradicate them or worked on ways of not letting it get to me.

Being tired after exercise is terrible and puts you off doing any exercise. I basically stopped all exercise because even if I did one hour of exercise, the next day I would not be able to get out of bed. I had to give up kickboxing, which I had been training with my sister, for over six years. I had nothing to give anymore.

My doctors’ tips to help with depression and chronic fatigue was to get back to doing some small exercise at least three to four times a week. He suggested going for a ten-minute slow walk each day. But to not push myself and listen to my body so when I felt tired, turn back. Getting outside is good and will help with depression. But do only what your body can handle. You have to stop and think that by trying to push past the exhaustion only means you end up paying for it the next day, and probably the day after. My boyfriend at the time would wash my hair for me, and often force-feed me as I didn’t often have the energy to open my mouth. The simple act of climbing stairs was exhausting, rolling over in bed hurt or reaching my arms up to hang the washing out was just as bad. It sounds pretty extreme, it was. I don’t wish it on anyone.

My young nephews knew I was not well so I would sit down to play with them or only run one lap of the backyard rather than ten times with them. Even after walking around in work boots meant I did not have enough energy to even push the accelerator in the car to drive home. I should have pulled over and let someone else drive but my pride got in the way. It was a constant act of making out I was fine. I was pretty stubborn.

Chronic fatigue also affects your memory. It goes. Before, I could remember everything, I had a great memory. But with fatigue everything is a fog, nothing is retained. Having depression doesn’t help that either.

Sleeping was all I did for the majority of the five years. I was in the fortunate position I could take three of the five years off work, without pay, so I could rest when I needed to. I was fortunate to have a family who would look out for me and continue to look out for me. Some days I would be right and just have an afternoon nap, some days I could barely have breakfast before crawling back to bed for two hours, most nights I was in bed by six. I barely went out at night as I just had no energy even to talk. I had the luxury though of having no one depend on me so I could sleep when I felt tired. I can’t imagine what it is like having children that need you and feeling like you have nothing to give.

My biggest advice for people unfortunately suffering from chronic fatigue is to listen to your body. When your body is tired, stop, don’t keep pushing yourself. I didn’t stop and that’s why it took me a good five years to heal. The more you listen to your body, the quicker your body will repair.

It was really out of character for me to sleep lots or even to sleep in but my family tried to be quiet and didn’t give me a hard time if I needed to sleep. It was a personal struggle though because I didn’t want people to think I was lazy so I often tried to make it look like I was fine and not in any pain at all. No one can see how tired your muscles are or that your feet just won’t move.

I don’t begrudge having chronic fatigue. It was one of the hardest periods of my life but it obviously came because I had hard lessons to learn about the way I was living. Pushing yourself constantly and beyond your capacity is not a healthy way to live. My life now is very different from life prior to chronic fatigue and is definitely for the best. A simple and slow life is much more enjoyable.